Have you seen Maurice Clarett?

Because the police would like to.

Clarett, former Ohio State running back, allegedly helped rang in the new year with a little aggravated robbery. After robbing people behind a bar while brandishing a handgun, the suspect hopped into a white SUV and took off. That this vehicle was driven by A.C. Cowlings is merely the author's suggestion, and is uncorrobated. What is it with felonius running backs and white SUVs?

Just one more strike against the Ohio State football program- enjoy the game today. The starting quarterback Alex Smith gets into altercations outside dorms in the wee hours in the morning when he's not busy throwing illegal booster cash around a shopping mall. There have been wide-spread athletic/academic scandals. The coach aggresively uses his Christianity as a get-out-of-jail free card while not holding anyone accountable.

The only problem is, they're playing against Notre Dame! Everybody hates Notre Dame right? The most arrogant, holier-than-thou school ever? Might be a good time for me to go get a haircut, groceries, and an oil change while everyone else watches tonight. Enjoy the game.